Winter's featured wedding custom:
Binding two partners together

Traditions
A common custom in wedding ceremonies around the world is to physically bind the two partners together. Here I give a few examples of this custom and offer advice for incorporating it into your ceremony.

In many Mexican and Chicano weddings, a double rosary (formed with two loops and one center) or a white rope is draped loosely around the necks of the two partners. The rosary or rope is called a lazo (lasso or cord). A man and woman who serve as sponsors of the wedding or of this sub-ceremony slip the lazo over the heads of the groom and bride. The partners kneel at the altar to receive this blessing.

In Catholic Filipino weddings, a man and a woman who serve as veil sponsors drape a single large white veil over the head and shoulders of the bride and over the shoulders of the groom as the partners kneel side by side. Still wearing the veil, the couple is bound by two cord sponsors with a white double-looped cord (one version of a lazo). Some say that the cord's figure eight shape symbolizes an eternal bond. The couple remains connected by both the veil and the cord for the remainder of the ceremony.

Hindu wedding ceremonies are quite elaborate (as are most Hindu ceremonies) and they vary tremendously from region to region. In one of the simpler and more common Hindu wedding sub-ceremonies, a priest ties a corner of the groom's shawl to the end of the bride's sari. The partners remain loosely tied together for the rest of the ceremony, even when they walk around the sacred fire together while making their marriage vows.

Those neo-pagan weddings and commitment ceremonies that are based in British and Irish traditions are generally called handfastings. The act that these weddings are named for is that of wrapping the partners' joined hands with ribbon and tying the ribbon. This act is carried out in one of many ways. In one of the more common, the partners stand facing each other, clasping their left hands as if shaking hands. The priest or priestess wraps several ribbons around their joined hands three times, then ties the ribbons together. In many weddings each ribbon symbolizes an aspect of marriage, a quality the couple hopes to be bound by, or a basic element or cardinal direction. Some couples prefer to have their hands wrapped together but not tied. This is especially common in ceremonies that mark the beginning of a temporary commitment of a year and a day, as some handfastings do.


Create your own binding
Answering the following questions will help you create your own binding to mark your union.If you have time to consider these questions without hurrying the answers, the conversation might even help bind you to your partner!

Who will bind you together? I find it interesting that in all of the rituals I've mentioned, someone other that the partners themselves does the binding. Of course, most of these rituals were first created in contexts where marriage served families more than it served individuals. You might choose to bind yourselves to celebrate the fact that you are marrying of your own free will. On the other hand, it can be beautiful to kneel together so that this blessing can be bestowed on you. And there is something fitting about a person external to your union binding you or wrapping you together with an external object. You might want to be bound by an elder, by your parents or children, or by several members of your community, in order to encourage those people to support your marriage bond.

What part of your bodies will you bind together? One of my own favorite acts of binding is wrapping both partners' whole bodies or torsos together in a blanket. If you and your partner bind only one of your body parts, you might want to assign a particular meaning to that body part and discuss that meaning during the wedding. For instance, you might bind your feet together because you will now walk in step on a single path, or you might bind your hands together because you want to be bound in your efforts, not just in your rest and leisure. If you purposely keep certain parts of your bodies free from one another, you might choose to make that significant.

What will you bind yourselves with? Will this object have separate compartments for each of you as the lazo does, or will it hold you both in a single embrace? What qualities will this object have? For instance, will it surround you both completely, will it feel secure and supportive, will it be made everyday materials or fancy ones? Perhaps instead of using an external object, you want to bind parts of your bodies or clothing directly to one another, say by braiding your hair together.

The awkward truth is that you don't want to be physically bound together for the rest of your wedding day, let alone the rest of your lives. So how and when will you free yourselves? You might as well grant some significance to the act of unbinding and make it a public part of your ceremony (or reception). Will you unbind yourselves or will someone else do it? What meaning will you give this act – that you are being freed so that you can return to each other voluntarily? That marriage should be about independence as well as togetherness?

Do you want any mood to preside over your binding? You might bow your heads in reverence while you are bound. You might triumphantly tie your wrists together to the tune of recessional music and march out of your wedding together bound for life. You might make a game of all your guests tangling you together with string or of attempting to stay bound to your partner while each guest tries to pry you apart.

Have fun playing with this simple ritual act.


Copyright 2008 Kelly Fine. You may print this document for your personal use. Do not reproduce it by other means or for another purpose without my permission.